


Hurts So Good

by PetitAvocat



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: BDSM, CBT, Cock & Ball Torture, Cock Rings, F/M, Kinky, Sub!Kaidan, be warned, no really guys this is the kinkiest thing i've ever written, really really kinky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-01
Updated: 2013-03-01
Packaged: 2017-12-04 00:15:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/704276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PetitAvocat/pseuds/PetitAvocat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaidan and f!Shep explore the BDSM side of their relationship.  Turns out, Kaidan enjoys pain a little more than, well, anyone expected.</p><p>Fill for a CBT kink request on the Mass Effect k-meme.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hurts So Good

**Author's Note:**

> _Hurt so good_   
>  _Come on baby, make it hurt so good_   
>  _Sometimes love don't feel like it should_   
>  _You make it hurt so good_
> 
>  
> 
> -"Hurts So Good," John Cougar Mellencamp

Kaidan stood at a terminal in the War Room on the Normandy SR-2, cataloguing war assets, examining the status of the Crucible and the whereabouts of various Alliance divisions, and trying desperately not to get an erection.

Under his BDUs, he wore a contraption that might have looked like a torture device to anyone else.  And, he supposed, one could think of it that way – but oh, god, torture shouldn’t feel this good.  The leather cage fit snugly around his non-erect cock, with straps enclosing his balls such that if he started to become hard, not only would the constriction around his cock painfully prevent him from growing to his usual (impressive, if he did say so himself) length, but the straps pulled tighter around his balls, adding to the pain.

Unfortunately, he had just witnessed Shepard storming off a geth dreadnought in all her battle-flushed glory to punch a quarian admiral in the stomach, and damnit, she _knew_ how sexy she was just out of combat, hair mussed, eyes bright, cheeks pink… _fuck shit oh, GOD_ – he cursed to himself as the thoughts of Shepard made blood rush to his trapped cock, again, and he felt himself strain against his confines so hard that the ensuing burst of pain almost made him let out a whimper.

Almost.

He had very good self-control.

And here she came now, striding out of the comm room, pausing for just a moment as her eyes lit on him.  He knew her well enough to know she wanted him to follow as she turned back into the room she’d just vacated, and follow he did, heart pounding desperately against his ribcage and cock throbbing despite his best efforts, making each step that much more difficult.

He did not see her immediately when he entered the comm room, but then the door slid shut behind him (door? since when was there a door to this room?) and the whirring sound suggested it had been locked.  Shepard appeared at his elbow, smiling up at him with that predator’s grin that lured so many into a false sense of security.

Amazing how a woman so small was so powerful and so intimidating, and so damned hot all at once.

Now that they were alone, he did not bother to stifle the whimper caused by _that_ particular thought.  One of Shepard’s eyebrows raised, and her grin took on a sultry edge that he knew was reserved for him.

They’d hardly had ten minutes alone in days, and he was going out of his mind with lust.  And then, then she’d suggested this, and they had done some kinky stuff before but this was beyond any of that – and he couldn’t believe how hard he’d gotten just thinking about it.

Now Shepard walked backwards, pulling him further into the room.

“On your knees, Kaidan.”

He dropped to a kneel without even thinking, and when she _tsk_ ed, he wondered what he’d done wrong.

“What do you say?”

…what?

“Y-yes, Shepard?”  A sharp backhand across the face caught him off-guard and sent a heady pulse to his groin, pain from one canceling out pain from the other.

“…yes, uh, mistress?”  Another backhand, and the right answer occurred to him (well, obviously).

“Yes, Commander.”  The smile on her face and caress of his cheek told him he’d gotten it right.  She slowly paced around him as he kept his gaze forward, and stopped behind him, close enough that he could feel her body heat.  Her hands brushed his neck.

“You feel awfully tense, Major.”

“Yes, Commander.”

She purred.  “I could help you with that.  Would you like that?”

“Yes, Commander.  Please, Commander.”

“So obedient.  You learn fast.”  Her hands started a slow, deep massage of his neck muscles, and he couldn’t help a low groan as his head lolled forward to allow her better access.  It was arousing to begin with, but then her thumb brushed dangerously close to his amp jack, and he tensed – she wouldn’t – and then she did, pressing against it just the way he liked, sending a beautiful white-hot spark of pain/pleasure shooting down his spine and rocketing back up from his groin.

He cried out and fell forwards, catching himself on one hand, needing freedom, needing his cock to be released from this cage it strained against.

“Shepard, _please_ … oh, god, I c-can’t…”

“Be in my cabin, on your knees on my bed, naked, in ten minutes.”  He let out a deep breath in relief, and then she added – “Leave it on.”

*            *            *

It was nearly twenty minutes later when Shepard finally entered, and a dull, throbbing ache had begun growing in Kaidan’s groin, getting sharper with each passing moment. The cool air of her cabin teased his bare skin, raising his nipples to hard points and making his muscles tense as he knelt on her bed, hands behind his back.

Shepard stopped at the top of the stairs to regard him, eyes heavy-lidded with appreciation.

“You look so good like that.” She slowly began stripping off her clothes, starting with her shirt, walking towards him as she did.

“In fact, I think your talents are probably put to better use here than anywhere else, Major.”

She turned to remove her pants, bending over more than was really necessary to give him a good view of her ass as she pushed the fabric off her feet. Turning again, she stood in front of him in her black lace bra and panties. Her hand cupped his jaw gently, and then trailed down his torso, tracing the line of his hip and grazing his cock through its leather straps.

At her touch, his hips jerked forward involuntarily and he let out a soft whine.

“Please, Shepard.”

She laughed wickedly and a knot of heat coiled low in his stomach.

“I think I like hearing you beg.”

She pushed on Kaidan’s chest so he fell back onto the bed, and he had to stop himself from readjusting, calves still bent uncomfortably under his thighs. Shepard followed him up the bed and settled her hips directly over his. He could feel her heat and wetness through the fabric of her panties, and his hips bucked up helplessly as another whine ripped from his throat. His cock was bulging against the leather, straps cutting painfully into the tender flesh and pulling tight around his balls, but he found he only wanted more of the sensation, couldn’t stop himself from needing to feel the device tighter, needing the pain to ground him in his near-delirium.

Shepard’s hands landed on either side of his head, fierce eyes boring into his, a note of incredulity in her voice.

“You little painslut.  You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

He had to force himself to focus on her words, and finally managed to whimper: “Yes, Commander.”

“Why, Major, I never would have guessed.” She kissed him then, soft lips pressed hard against his, and he opened his mouth eagerly to her tongue. He felt her hand slide between his legs again and he lifted his hips to give her better access. Her fingers explored lower, squeezing his balls gently, and he hummed softly into her mouth – and then a sudden hard pinch at the skin of his scrotum made him yelp, loud, hips thrusting up, and all she did was laugh and ride him out and – god, he felt so dirty, but he wanted it again, and maybe Shepard was a mind-reader because that’s exactly what she did, pinching him again, harder, scraping her nails against the sensitive skin, and the noise he made this time was less a yelp and more a desperate moan, his hips bucking not in surprise but in unabashed need.

She was grinding down against him, wetness seeping through her panties, face increasingly flushed. They had long ago established a safeword, and Kaidan knew she would stop if he so much as whispered it – but the last thing he wanted right now was for her to stop anything she was doing.

“Take my bra off.”

“Yes, Commander.” He worked his hands out from where they were trapped under his back and quickly unclasped the garment, taking the opportunity to palm her breasts, soft and heavy in his hands, nipples peaking under his fingers.

She arched into his touch momentarily, but before he could properly savor the moment, Shepard had pulled away, and then suddenly his wrists were pinned together and bound with her bra in a crude restraint. She pushed them above his head, inadvertently bringing her breasts in reach of his mouth.

He knew it would cost him later, but he couldn’t resist a small act of rebellion, capturing one of her nipples between his lips, caressing it with his tongue, and the small gasp of surprise it pulled from Shepard was so completely worth it, even (fuck, _especially_ ) when she grabbed his hair roughly and yanked his head back to the pillow.

“You may rank higher than me, Major, but this is my ship.” She crawled down his body, biting hard at his skin as she went. “And I’ll be damned if I allow that kind of insubordination here.”

She reached his groin and unhesitatingly took him into her mouth, leather straps and all, tearing a series of inarticulate sounds from his lips. His cock felt like it would break its restraints, the blood pounding through his length and the pain, the intense aching pain radiating outward from that central location were the only things he could focus on – and then without warning Shepard snapped the restraints open, freeing him, finally, _finally_ , and he actually goddamned _roared_ as it felt like all the blood in his body rushed to his cock, engorged it in Shepard’s hot mouth – and it happened so fast that, for just a few seconds, dizzy and head spinning, Kaidan blacked out.

*            *            *

When he blinked himself back into focus, he became immediately aware of his heartbeat, pounding in his ears and throbbing along the length of his cock.  The release from the leather restraints had been almost as intense as an orgasm, but he was amazed to find his body still thrumming with need, wanting any touch Shepard would give him.

He lifted his head and saw her, still between his legs, resting her head on his hip.  She was regarding him with an inscrutable expression, but smiled when his eyes met hers.

“Ready for more?”  Without waiting for an answer she gave his cock a hard, rough stroke, twisting her hand as she reached the tip.  Kaidan dropped his head back against the pillow and groaned.  The skin of his cock was striped red and tender where the leather had been biting into him and her hand was warm and dry, creating delicious friction that left too soon.

He watched as Shepard leaned across him to her side table, breasts brushing across his chest, and pulled two small matching objects from the drawer.  His eyes widened.  They had used those on _her_ , but never…

Coherent thought became difficult as she trailed the cool metal across his chest and licked at each of his nipples.  She bit down gently before applying the nipple clamps in place of her mouth, and his back arched up, eyes screwing shut at the sensation, tightly focused pain shooting in a straight line from his nipples to his cock.  His wrists strained against their surprisingly tight makeshift bindings, and when he opened his eyes, Shepard was grinning again, eyes narrowed like he was her prey, copper hair falling in front of her face and making her look deceptively soft and vulnerable even as she crouched over him.

“Fuck, Kaidan, I need you,” she breathed, and shimmied out of her panties.  She turned so she was facing down the length of his body and straddled his head, her thighs next to his ears.  Immediately he tilted his head up, nosed into the curls at her groin, opened his mouth and licked her, one long stripe from the tip of her slit to her wet, nearly dripping entrance.  He inhaled her scent, felt her thighs quake around him and heard her moan desperately, and without his usual teasing, he thrust his tongue as deep inside her as he could, wanting to feel that she needed him as much as he needed her.

She didn’t disappoint, her hips rocking back, riding his face as he fucked her with his tongue.  He wished he could hold her hips in place, have more control as he delved into her, but the way she was moving above him was making him come apart.  Then she tugged not-so-gently on the nipple clamps and he shuddered, moaning into her.  His cock, overstimulated just minutes ago, was begging for attention, and he shifted his hips without thinking, trying in vain to find friction against something.

Shepard chuckled again, and Kaidan tensed; he was quickly learning that her throaty laugh often preceded a surprise.  He wasn’t wrong.

Something… foreign scraped down along his cock, and his whole body spasmed in response; it was too spiky to be massaging, but blunted, not sharp, its prongs dragging along his cock, catching in the dark curls at the base, pulling hard, and _that_ was a new sensation, sharp and hitting him in the gut unexpectedly before Shepard’s hands were back, massaging at his balls before rolling them hard enough to be nearly a twisting motion – he turned his head and bit into the flesh of her thigh, groaning into her skin, making her moan and buck in response, and god, everything she was doing made it harder for him to breathe, and if you’d asked him beforehand he probably would have winced and crossed his legs but experiencing it was incredible.

He wanted more.  He wanted to see how high the pain could take him (and so far it was pretty damn high), wanted to see how far Shepard would go and how far his own limits would stretch.

“Damnit, Kaidan,” he heard her say, and then she was shifting above him, turning around to face him again and bracing a hand against the wall above his head.  “I need you to make me come.  And before you smartass me, yes, that’s a goddamn order.”

He would have smirked at her, but she grabbed him roughly by the hair (and holy hell, how had he not known that was a turn-on of his until Shepard?) and jerked his head up, forcing his mouth into contact with her and holding him there.  He drove his tongue into her again and she tossed her head, mouth falling open as he licked and sucked at her with everything he had, finding her nub and massaging it hard with the flat of his tongue as the sounds coming from her throat got higher and higher in pitch.

Her hips were rolling hard against him and she used her free hand to pinch her own nipples.  Kaidan groaned again, the sight of her writhing as she knelt over him bringing out his need to flip them and drive himself into her, but he was pinned, helpless except for his mouth.  He finally drew her clit between his lips and sucked, flicking at it with his tongue, and she gasped her release, fingers tightening painfully in his hair as her hips bucked erratically.

Shepard leaned weakly against the wall for a moment before releasing his head and sliding back down to nuzzle into his neck.  He let out a breathless laugh.

“Don’t tell me you’re done already.”  His voice was hoarse, hips still twitching against the air needily.

She raised her head to look at him, pupils blown out, feline smile pulling at her lips.

“Oh, don’t you worry, soldier,” and he felt her hand trail down his body, nails scraping along his inner thigh, infuriatingly avoiding where he needed her, “I’m just getting started.”

*            *            *

Shepard grasped one of the nipple clamps between her teeth and tugged hard.  It pulled at the sensitive peak before relinquishing its hold, causing him to inhale sharply as it slid free.  Before he had recovered, she did the same thing to the other clamp, then positioned herself between his legs once again.  She smiled coyly up at him.

“Favorite place to be.”

Kaidan managed a thin laugh, mildly hysterical with arousal.  “Can’t say I mind too much either.”

Her smile grew pensive and she cocked an eyebrow at him.  “What happened to the ‘Yes, Commander’ boy scout?  Not getting an attitude, are you, Alenko?”

He tensed.  “No, Commander.”

She bit down hard on the shaft of his cock, right near the base.  He made a desperate, disbelieving, strangled noise, pelvis jerking up in response.

“Good.”

Shepard’s tongue followed where her teeth had been, licking the bite spot and then laving up his length, swirling around the head of his cock.  She wrapped her lips around him and began bobbing her head, and the gentleness of the sensations was… amazing, of course, but he was pretty sure that if he came from the blowjob it would be oddly unsatisfying tonight, despite how incredible Shepard was at giving them.

Then he felt the same cold metal shape skimming along the inside of his thigh.  Gripped with alarm, he stuttered out “ _Sh-Shepard_ ” before he could stop himself.  She shot him a glare and punctuated it by grasping the base of his cock and twisting mercilessly, and he let out a half-laugh, half-sob; she deepthroated him and rolled his balls in her hand, and then yes, there it was, he felt the nipple clamp being applied somewhere that was distinctly not a nipple, cold metal slowly closing down on the skin of his scrotum between his balls.

Kaidan felt a shudder building, winding tightly in the small of his back before wracking his entire body as Shepard allowed the clamp to close fully.

“Sh—Commander, I can’t, please, not long—” He heard the pitch of his voice becoming shriller, because this was so not like when they had been on his nipples, it hurt, fuck, it hurt _so much_ and he felt like his throat was closing up with how incomprehensibly good it felt at the same time – his senses felt so confused, like they didn’t know how to distinguish pain and pleasure anymore, and when Shepard finally removed the clamp after the longest ten seconds of his life he squeezed his eyes shut and felt a tear run down his cheek, though in relief or need or both, he wasn’t sure.

“Hey, hey,” and she was there, kissing the tear, “Is this too much, did I go too far?”  He shook his head before she had even finished the sentence, smiling.

“No, not too much,” he told her, and she returned his smile and kissed him again, the curl of her lips becoming teasing again.

“Good, because you look like you could still use a hand.”

She reached under the bed and pulled out a length of thin rope, about half an inch in diameter, which she dangled in front of him.  Dropping the tease from her voice for a moment, she regarded him seriously.

“You tell me, Kaidan, if I cross a line.  Don’t even hesitate.  This is not about hurting you.”

Kaidan had started breathing more shallowly at the sight of the rope, and he met her eyes and nodded.  “I will, Jane, I promise.”  He smirked and rolled his hips, letting his voice get low and gravelly the way he knew she loved.  “But now, _Commander_ , if you please…”

Shepard grinned.  Leaning forward, she ran her tongue down his cock again and gently sucked each of his balls into her mouth in turn before shifting her weight back and unwinding the rope.  She wrapped it over, under, around, through; he didn’t even recognize the knots and loops she was making, but the end result was a tight circlet around the base of his cock that built pressure in just the right way, and a harness around and between his balls, separating them slightly and rubbing so, _so_ perfectly every time he shifted, the rough fibers of the rope pulling and twisting around his flesh.

With one final wicked smile, she straddled his hips and lowered herself onto him.

Kaidan moaned, the heat from her core enveloping him, and thrust his hips up to meet her.  She leaned forward and untied his hands, and he instantly brought them up to grasp her waist, hold her still while he pumped into her, the rope creating even more friction on just the far side of pain combined with the warmth and softness from Shepard, screwing with his senses again.

He could tell from the way her weight was distributed over his body that she didn’t want him to flip their positions, but he lifted his head to bite gently at her breasts.  She arched her back and reached one hand behind herself, twisting her fingers into the rope and pulling to tighten the knots around him and he pumped harder, face contorting with the effort and the pain and the pleasure and fuck, just _everything_.  Pressure was building inside him but it felt like he was stoppered, the makeshift cock-ring tight enough that he could tell already it was suppressing his ability to come.

Above him, Shepard gyrated her hips, angling them so he hit that one spot inside her over and over.  He could tell she was close again from the way her eyelashes fluttered, and he reached up to palm her breasts, sliding his thumbs over her nipples and giving one of them a sharp twist.  She cried out and her fingers tightened in the bedsheets next to him so he did it again.

Her head dropped, forehead brushing his as her hips ground down into him, and when he twisted her nipples one more time and bit into her neck just below her jaw, he felt her walls spasm around him, voice rising and gasping out his name in a way that usually would have sent him over the edge but now only made him buck his hips harder into her as he chased his release.

When Shepard’s orgasm passed, she slowly reached down below the bed, slid her hand under the mattress and withdrew it.  She was holding a small but deadly-looking pocketknife and flicked it open in front of Kaidan’s face.

“Do you trust me?”

His gaze flicked from the blade to Shepard’s eyes and back.  He wet his lips.

“Yes, Commander.  I trust you.”

Shepard leaned down, lips brushing Kaidan’s ear, and whispered, “Good, Major.  Now, don’t.  Move.”

She lifted herself off of him until only the tip of his cock was inside her.  Circling her hips slowly, she lowered the blade to the rope.  He could feel the cold, sharp steel against the base of his cock and his pulse sped up in – fear, but excitement too, as he felt it bite into his skin just enough that he knew there would be the thinnest line of red marking its path.

Shepard looked down at him.  He had unthinkingly clenched his hands into the sheets at his side, eyes not moving from the knife, waiting for her to act.  She waited for a long moment, until he had relaxed and wasn’t anticipating it anymore, and then suddenly sliced down, the knife cutting through the rope like butter, and he gasped as the blade traced his skin, sharp, leaving its signature, but with the gentleness of a caress.

Shepard ripped the rope away, rough knots tearing open as the fast movement scraped and burned across his raw, abused skin, and slammed herself back down, taking him fully back within her body – and fuck, that was the last thing he could handle, the cascade of sensations finally too much, the pressure building up at the base of his cock released as the rope was torn away.  Kaidan dug his blunt fingernails into her hips, keeping her trapped around him, and came with a hoarse cry, every muscle in his body taut, blood pounding through his veins and uncontrollable shivers convulsing through him in waves as he spurted inside her.

He felt her hips rock against his in response, dimly heard her groan and felt the faint shudder of her clenching around him signaling her coming for a third time, but he was frozen, toes curling and muscles cramping as the orgasm rocked through him.  He had no idea how long it lasted but finally, like he was coming out of a _stasis_ field, he dropped bonelessly back onto the bed, panting as he tried to blink the room back into focus.

Soft lips were pressing against his jawline and down his neck.

“Hey, sweetheart, I’m here, I’m not going anywhere,” Shepard murmured into his ear.

“I – I know.”

A soft giggle, and then her hands brushed against his.  “Then I think you can let go now.”  Belatedly, he realized that he was still clutching her hips, and he quickly released her, massaging where his fingers had been digging into her skin.

“That’s… gonna leave bruises.  Sorry.”

Shepard giggled again, nudging his chin with her forehead.  “I think I left a few marks of my own.  We’ll call it even.”

She slid off of Kaidan, and he groaned as he felt his softening cock slip out of her, cool air hitting his overheated skin.  He turned to follow, wrapping an arm around her waist, and his leg hit something lying on the bed as he rolled.  He lifted his head to investigate and saw her hairbrush at the foot of the bed.  There was a beat of confusion, and then his brain put together sensory and visual information, and it clicked.

“…resourceful, Shepard.”

“I thought so.”

He settled back into the pillows, gazing into her eyes.

“So, was that… uh, what did you think?”

“For most of that, I _couldn’t_ think.”  This earned a laugh and, amazingly, a tinge of pink coloring her cheeks.

“I liked it too,” she confessed, blushing harder.  “Maybe we could try it again sometime?”

Kaidan leaned forward and captured her lips in a deep kiss.

“Definitely.  But, Shepard?  I might need some recovery time first.”

“Noted, Major.  We wouldn’t want to damage my most valuable War Assets.”  She winked at him, lightly running a hand over his hip.

“Ah – no, we most certainly would not.”

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted at the k-meme here:
> 
> http://masseffectkink.livejournal.com/6066.html?thread=27306418#t27306418


End file.
